Anam Cara Legacy
Navigating death & dying with grace, intention and purpose.
In our lives, we have access to professionals for the major milestones. We work with college counselors, wedding planners, dog trainers, clergy, midwives, travel agents, and more. Yet when it comes to death, dying, and memorializing, many of us are left guessing and unsure where to turn.
I approach advance care directives, death and dying education, and funeral celebrancy with the intention of an Anam Cara and the perspective of an end-of-life doula. Anam Cara is a term from Celtic spirituality that translates to “soul friend.” It represents a connection between two people, where one acts as a trusted companion, guide, or confidant for the other. The relationship is rooted in authenticity, mutual respect, and understanding.
Within this framework, the emotional and spiritual aspects that shape what a “good death” looks like become integrated into the many practical decisions that are necessary, especially those in the advance care directive. Along the way, questions will lead to new questions, and sometimes even the answers can lead to more questions. There is more to do than check off boxes on a practical list of decisions, though there is no understating the importance of completing advance care directives. Facing questions about end-of-life decisions can be difficult, and many of us do not have someone to talk with, to explore options, to delve into questions beyond the advance care directive, to discover how much your choices matter at the end of life, to find the gaps in an existing plan, and more.
I invite you to explore my website to learn more about my approach to honoring a life well lived. I look forward to meeting you and supporting you as you shape a thoughtful, intentional path for yourself and those you love.
~Sandra
End-of-Life Advocate
Guided Planning
As an end-of-life advocate, I guide people through the process of making end- of-life decisions. These discussions are not limited to a checklist- they are practical, emotional, spiritual and personal- by design. They are based in morals, values, faith, nature, family, legacy, and more. The practical part of this process, called the advanced care directive, is essential for navigating the medical complexities of end-of-life choices, but that final document must be informed by our lived lives. End-of-life care choices are more than checks on a list, they become our last moments and the last best gift we can give to our families. When the whole person is included in choices there is purpose and intention. That is what will become a legacy.
This work can be done during years of good health and without a hint of grey hair, it can be easily updated as part of a scheduled review or when an event or diagnosis requires a change. The advanced care directive, as well as emotional, spiritual, and personal work, can also be done within a limited time frame.
I use a structured, modular approach, with homework but no timeframe. This work can take a while, and sometimes must go to the bottom of the to-do pile for a bit.
The example below, focused on the idea of home, illustrates the types of conversations we may have together.
What does home mean to you?
Many people say, “I want to die at home.” Over time, however, our definition of home often changes. To follow the plot of a Hollywood movie - First it’s the only home you’ve ever known, the one with your parents and your siblings, your elementary school and prom date. Then a dorm and your first shared living situation with someone who is messier than you ever imagined anyone could ever be. Then a first apartment, then your own family home, then a smaller downsized home, a senior living apartment and perhaps then a room with only space for a few treasured belongings on a nightstand and a shelf. Ultimately, it might be less about a place and more about where you find comfort.
So when you think about dying at home, is it your house?
Some questions to consider are: Will your family continue to live in the house? Will the memory of your death in that space bring them comfort and connection, or might it make it harder for them to heal? Are your alternative plans written down and shared in the event of a medical emergency that would require hospitalization? What are the most special parts of home- the smells, the sounds, your bed or the blanket on the bed?
When you think about dying ‘at home’ and it isn’t a house, what is it?'
Maybe you have a different location in mind, or you are interested in the airbnb trend. Maybe due to pain or mobility or other medical concerns you know that home will be the things you have asked for in advance: the blanket, the best friend, the smell of coffee, the perfect music, the open window.
When you think about dying ‘at home’ and it isn’t a house, what isn’t it?
Sometimes identifying what we want comes in the form of identifying what we absolutely do not want. That can be what we saw someone else go through, or what we heard another family suffered through. A procedure, a person, a place, a medication, the list can be helpful.
This complex work doesn’t have to be done alone nor as only a checklist with many questions still unanswered. Limited community and family conversations about death and dying can make it hard to know where to start, and even basic death education is not something most of us are given. Our conversations will weave between practical, emotional, and spiritual concerns, including the morals, values, and stories that constitute your real legacy.
End-of-Life Advocate
Ceremony
This offering supports individuals and families in thoughtfully exploring options for body disposition, including embalming, cremation, aquamation, and green burial. Together, we consider preferences around funeral homes, clergy or secular leadership, and the roles different professionals may play in a service or ritual.
When considering cremation, whether by fire or water, there are a range of options for memorialization. These may include burial in a special location, pressing remains into stones, creating jewelry, modern scattering urns, and other approaches. Green burial and aquamation are not available in every cemetery nor in every state, making these important details to understand in advance.
Planning may also extend to the setting of a memorial or celebration of life. This can include places of worship, outdoor spaces, private homes, community venues, or other settings that hold personal meaning. Attention is given to elements such as music, readings, symbols, personal objects, and participation by family or friends.
While many logistical details are handled by funeral homes, this work focuses on clarifying values, intentions, and wishes so decisions can be made thoughtfully and communicated clearly. Conversations may take place well in advance or closer to need, and plans can be revisited and revised over time.
In practice, family members and friends often hold strong and differing opinions about funerals. A shift away from a religious ceremony toward a nature-oriented experience, for example, can create confusion or tension. Clearly documented and shared wishes help others understand, respect, and carry out personal intentions.
I often hear the phrase, “I’ll be gone. The kids can do whatever they want with me.” While this sentiment comes from generosity, it can unintentionally lead to conflict over costs, location, or final rites. Most of us hold ideas about what a good death looks like for us. Even when circumstances limit what is possible, these ideas deserve consideration.
These conversations can be difficult, but with guidance in advance and the option of recorded explanations, it is possible to plan a memorial that reflects your wishes, such as a party on the beach, while allowing space for loved ones to share their grief and sadness. These are some of the conversations we can have and the choices we can put in writing.
Funeral Celebrant
As a funeral celebrant trained through the Insight Institute, I will help design a service that best reflects and memorializes the life of your loved one, weaving your choice of music, readings, personal mementos, and unique ceremonies into a tribute to a life lived.
The process begins with a family meeting to gather stories; share memories, anecdotes, and special moments; and prepare a eulogy that incorporates the unique experiences that defined them. This work can also be done well in advance, allowing for personal touches and providing opportunities for loved ones to take an active role in the service.
With the rise in cremations, a movement away from traditional funerals and memorials, toward celebrations of life, is becoming more common. These events are often intentionally less somber and more personalized than other ceremonies, sometimes including catering, cocktails, or venues not typically associated with this kind of service. If simplicity is the goal, a scattering ceremony can be thoughtfully designed, with the location selected, the scattering urn prepared, and the eulogy written.
My approach as a funeral celebrant brings compassion, creativity, courage, and curiosity to every part of this process. I want to know about your loved one - what kind of person were they? What were their passions? Together, we will create a healing funeral that honors a life and reflects the meaning, values, and wishes that matter most, whether we are planning for someone you love or shaping a ceremony you envision for yourself.