Anam Cara Legacy
Navigating death & dying with grace, intention and purpose.
In our lives, we have access to professionals for the major milestones. We work with college counselors, wedding planners, dog trainers, clergy, midwives, travel agents, and more. Yet when it comes to death, dying, and memorializing, many of us are left guessing and unsure where to turn.
I approach advanced care directives, death and dying education, and funeral celebrancy with the perspective of an End-of-Life Doula and the intention of an Anam Cara. Anam Cara is a term from Celtic spirituality that translates to ‘soul friend.’ It represents a connection between two people, where one acts as a trusted companion, guide, or confidant for the other. The relationship is rooted in authenticity, mutual respect, and understanding.
Within this framework, we explore the emotional and spiritual aspects that shape what a ‘good death’ means to you. Along the way, some of your questions might lead to new questions, including those you may not yet have known to ask. By moving from practical decisions to personal meaning, we establish a framework for reflection and clear decision-making.
I invite you to explore my website to learn more about my approach for honoring a life well lived. I look forward to meeting you and supporting you as you shape a thoughtful, intentional path for yourself and those you love.
~Sandra
End-of-Life Doula
Guided Planning
My approach as an end-of-life doula centers on advance care planning, empowering you to clarify your preferences and make informed decisions regarding your care. This process is essential for navigating the complexities of end-of-life choices, even in condensed time frames, such as after a recent terminal diagnosis. By addressing your values and desires, I help you to live a fuller life now while preparing for the future.
While I focus on guiding you through these integral questions, other end-of-life doulas provide vital support in various areas. They assist families with bedside vigil support, medical assistance during active dying, hospice care, and honoring ancestral practices that connect families to their loved ones who have passed.
Together, we can ensure that your wishes are respected and honored when the time comes, providing clarity and peace for both you and your family. This holistic approach not only enriches your journey but also fosters deeper connections with those you care about during life’s most significant moments.
Using a structured approach, we will work together to clarify your values, support informed decision-making, and develop plans that reflect what matters most to you.
The example below, focused on the idea of home, illustrates the types of conversations we may have together.
What does home mean to you?
Many people say, “I want to die at home.” Over time, however, our definition of home often changes. It may begin as a first apartment, then a family house, later a smaller downsized home, a senior living apartment, a room in a memory care unit, or a shared hospital room with space for a few treasured belongings. Ultimately, it might be less about a place to hang your hat and more about where you find comfort.
Will your family continue to live in the house? Will the memory of your death in that space bring them comfort and connection, or might it make it harder for them to heal? Are your alternative plans written down and shared in the event of a medical emergency that would require hospitalization?
This complex work can feel like a lonely trudge, but it doesn’t have to be. Limited community and family conversations about death and dying can make it hard to know where to start, and even basic death education is not something most of us are given. Our conversations will weave between practical, emotional, and spiritual concerns, including the morals, values, and stories that constitute your real legacy.
End-of-Life Doula
Ceremony
This offering supports individuals and families in thoughtfully exploring options for body disposition, including embalming, cremation, aquamation, and green burial. Together, we consider preferences around funeral homes, clergy or secular leadership, and the roles different professionals may play in a service or ritual.
When considering cremation, whether by fire or water, there are a range of options for memorialization. These may include burial in a special location, pressing remains into stones, creating jewelry, modern scattering urns, and other approaches. Green burial and aquamation are not available in every cemetery nor in every state, making these important details to understand in advance.
Planning may also extend to the setting of a memorial or celebration of life. This can include places of worship, outdoor spaces, private homes, community venues, or other settings that hold personal meaning. Attention is given to elements such as music, readings, symbols, personal objects, and participation by family or friends.
While many logistical details are handled by funeral homes, this work focuses on clarifying values, intentions, and wishes so decisions can be made thoughtfully and communicated clearly. Conversations may take place well in advance or closer to need, and plans can be revisited and revised over time.
In practice, family members and friends often hold strong and differing opinions about funerals. A shift away from a religious ceremony toward a nature-oriented experience, for example, can create confusion or tension. Clearly documented and shared wishes help others understand, respect, and carry out personal intentions.
I often hear the phrase, “I’ll be gone. The kids can do whatever they want with me.” While this sentiment comes from generosity, it can unintentionally lead to conflict over costs, location, or final rites. Most of us hold ideas about what a good death looks like for us. Even when circumstances limit what is possible, these ideas deserve consideration.
These conversations can be difficult, but with guidance in advance and the option of recorded explanations, it is possible to plan a memorial that reflects your wishes, such as a party on the beach, while allowing space for loved ones to share their grief and sadness. These are some of the conversations we can have and the choices we can put in writing.
Funeral Celebrant
As a funeral celebrant trained through the Insight Institute, I will help design a service that best reflects and memorializes the life of your loved one, weaving your choice of music, readings, personal mementos, and unique ceremonies into a tribute to a life lived.
The process begins with a family meeting to gather stories; share memories, anecdotes, and special moments; and prepare a eulogy that incorporates the unique experiences that defined them. This work can also be done well in advance, allowing for personal touches and providing opportunities for loved ones to take an active role in the service.
With the rise in cremations, a movement away from traditional funerals and memorials, toward celebrations of life, is becoming more common. These events are often intentionally less somber and more personalized than other ceremonies, sometimes including catering, cocktails, or venues not typically associated with this kind of service. If simplicity is the goal, a scattering ceremony can be thoughtfully designed, with the location selected, the scattering urn prepared, and the eulogy written.
My approach as a funeral celebrant brings compassion, creativity, courage, and curiosity to every part of this process. I want to know about your loved one - what kind of person were they? What were their passions? Together, we will create a healing funeral that honors a life and reflects the meaning, values, and wishes that matter most, whether we are planning for someone you love or shaping a ceremony you envision for yourself.