Anam Cara Legacy

Guidance for End-of-Life Planning, Memorialization & Personal Legacy

Throughout our lives, we turn to professionals for guidance through important transitions and milestones. When it comes to end-of-life planning and memorialization, many of us are left guessing and unsure where to turn.

I approach end-of-life care and planning, funeral and memorial planning, and funeral celebrancy with the intention of an Anam Cara and the perspective of an end-of-life doula. Anam Cara is a term from Celtic spirituality that translates to ‘soul friend.’ It represents a connection between two people, where one acts as a trusted companion, guide, or confidant for the other. The relationship is rooted in authenticity, mutual respect, and understanding.

Within this framework, the emotional and spiritual considerations that shape our wishes for the end of life become part of the practical decisions that are necessary to ensure we have shared our hopes and intentions for our final days and the people we love. Along the way, questions will lead to new questions, and sometimes even the answers can lead to more questions. Planning can be about more than checking boxes on a form and making sure the people we love understand what matters to us.

Many families are left making decisions without fully understanding what their loved one wanted, valued, feared, or hoped for. Through this work, we can make sure the necessary documents are in place, explore personal reflections, and consider how a memorial might reflect the life we have lived.

Many of us do not have someone to talk with, to explore these options, to delve into questions beyond the advance care directive, to consider what choices matter to us at the end of life, to find the gaps in an existing plan, and to share our story.

I invite you to explore my website to learn more about my approach to this work and the ways I can help, from planning ahead to making memorial decisions after a death, including creating a meaningful ceremony for someone whose ashes are already at home.

I look forward to meeting you.

~Sandra

‘You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in a drop.’

End-of-Life Planning Session

90-minute one-on-one conversation

  • Covers advance care planning, family communication, funeral and memorial wishes

  • We meet at whatever stage of planning you are at and work within your comfort range

Many people know they want to do some planning but are not sure where to begin. Others have already started and have questions about what is missing, what matters most, or what they should consider next.

This 90-minute conversation begins with talking through what stage you are at in your planning, what you want to accomplish, and what brought you to this work now. From there, we can talk through a range of topics — advance care planning, communicating with family, funeral and memorial wishes, and personal and spiritual considerations. This work can be complex, especially when grief and the recent loss of a loved one are part of the conversation. For others who are in search of tasks and a to-do list, things can appear simpler.

You may be planning well in advance, responding to a diagnosis, or trying to prevent a repeat of a regrettable and preventable situation you saw play out in someone else's life — if only they had taken steps to complete an advance care directive. There is no particular starting point, and no expectation that everything needs to be figured out in one conversation. Most likely, we will end the call with a good sense of purpose, goals, and resources tailored specifically to you.

If another call is appropriate, that can be scheduled. I also offer group workshops and the Personal End-of-Life Project for reflection on the spiritual, emotional, personal, and practical elements of planning.

Personal End-of-Life Project

Multi-session one-on-one project

  • Organized around four conversations: Physical, Emotional, Spiritual, and Practical

  • Includes a mid-point reflection session

  • Seven weeks is the suggested timeline, adjustable to your pace

  • Investment: $2,200

Most of us hope the people we love will understand what matters to us and what we would want if we could no longer speak for ourselves. For that to happen, we need to both write it down and share it.

The Project is an opportunity to spend time thinking through the necessary practical steps, but also the often overlooked spiritual, emotional, and physical needs we have. These can be harder to put into words, and not everything needs to be shared – some of this work can be just for you. While forms like the advance care directive, health care proxy, and medical orders are familiar, there are other ways to prepare that you may not yet have had a chance to consider.

We will make space for you to reflect on relationships, beliefs, fears, hopes, and the experiences that have shaped you. Legacy work, memorial and funeral planning, and hopes for what a good death looks like to you are some of the Project conversations.

The Project takes place over multiple sessions, with time between meetings for you to reflect, talk with family, gather information, or work on something we discussed. Sessions are organized around four conversations: Physical, Emotional, Spiritual, and Practical. A reflection session is included midway through the process. Seven weeks is the suggested timeline, but we can adjust the pace to fit your comfort level.

This work produces more than paperwork. You may leave with the start of a legacy project or time capsule for the people you love, or a list of wants and needs for what your final day could look like, alongside updated documents and notes for family conversations.

What you choose to explore and what you choose to put in writing will depend on what you can give to the work and what matters to you. This may give you a starting point for conversations that have been difficult to begin, or help bring together plans and thoughts that have been scattered in different places.

We will meet over Zoom before we get started, so I can understand your intentions and explain the documents and guides we'll be using during our conversations.

Funeral & Memorial Planning

Funerals, memorials, and celebrations of life are an opportunity to honor a person, bring people together, and create a meaningful way to remember them.

Some people know exactly what they want. Others know only what they do not want. Both are good places to begin.

There are many choices to consider, including burial, cremation, aquamation, green burial, memorial locations, music, readings, rituals, speakers, personal objects, and ways for family and friends to participate. There are also newer options for what can be done with cremated remains and how a person can be remembered.

We can talk through these options, research services that interest you, compare possibilities, and document your preferences. The goal is to find something that feels right for you or for the person you are honoring, rather than simply choosing from the options presented by a funeral home.

For families planning after a death, I can help organize ideas, find appropriate services and resources, develop a ceremony, write or refine a eulogy, identify readings, and bring the different pieces together.

Planning ahead can also make things easier for the people who will be making decisions later. It gives them something to work from and a better understanding of what mattered to you.

No two families will make the same choices. The possibilities are much broader than many people realize, and sometimes the hardest part is simply knowing what to look for.